Monday, February 07, 2005
I had thought I had seen how low food could go on my return from my summer studies in the Soviet Union in 1987. I had come home acclimated to the dour and sad Soviet supermarkets, with aisles of cabbages, dried apples and two brands of canned fish (but also with some surprisingly fine and cheap black bread). On my first grocery trip back home, I felt barraged within five minutes. I thought I would hold it together well enough until my mom and I passed the deli case and I saw something called "macaroni and cheese loaf." It was like olive loaf (for those dear friends not familiar with olive loaf, it is a bologna-like lunchmeat with sliced pimento-stuffed green olives dotted through it; it looks like a bit like mortadella, but doesn't taste nearly as good), only it was flecked with macaroni and cheese instead of olives. I thought it was the most revolting thing I had ever seen.
It *was* the most revolting thing I'd ever seen, and remained thus until I started working at the box factory, when I read an article in an industry mag about a company that was test-marketing microwaveable breakfasts in a push-up tube. It was disconcerting to read salespeople and R&D weasels talk about being able to drive with one hand and eat scrambled eggs with the other, and to talk about this as if it were a desirable thing to do. I do not want to contemplate what sort of eggs are used for these push-up scrambles. I have seen pictures of them. They are the most revolting things I've ever seen.
At least they were until last week, when I went to visit Raspberry Sour at The Sour Patch, who wrote a brilliant essay about the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. How much plastic has been disgorged into our landfills and watersheds as a result of this grand experiment? (Have no fear, the "Fun Facts" section will tell you!) How much hydrogenated fat, how much high fructose corn syrup, had to be added to this formula to make the peanut butter sheet like that? How much of the original peanut is left in this nonsense? Why in the world do we need it? Does anybody, in fact, want to buy it?
Hello, Ms B. I just wanted to tell you that I was inspired to make bread yesterday. No, I do not have a “bread machine” but just two hands and a desire for whole wheat goodness made with love and care. Yeah, the loaves looked like something out of “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” that the Palestine Liberation Front passed around while hanging about in the colleseum, but lord, hot from the oven with real butter (okay, not Eureka butter) it just felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.
It was even better than the gingerbread cake I also did “from scratch” earlier in the day. My daughter was amazed.
I can do that, from time to time. Surprise people.
I’m going to Eureka on Wednesday. Will holler “hello” for you to all~
now i just need to get my hands on one of these slices (apparently canadians aren’t worthy. and thankfully so). i want to read the ingredients label- how do they stop it from sticking to the plastic? hee hee, i particularly enjoyed the news release outlining the eureka moment leading to this little plot.
funny enough, my family is of soviet origins. i still remember getting letters from grandmothers about standing in lines for food. all day long. although i think i’d take a good russian (not soviet) meal over most of what masquerades as edible on this here continent.
thanks for the kind words about my horrified rant
- raspberry sour
Not to in any way contradict your main point but I’d actually be interested in trying the P.B. slices. It looks like it might be fun to play with them.
Even back in the vintage years when overall food quality was much better, there were still some real monstrosities.
Ah, dear Bakerina, I’m so sorry you had to see that. I saw their web site some months ago, and was similarly horrified. I can’t stomach the sugar-, salt- and fat-laden stuff that passes for peanut butter on most grocery store shelves; just grind some freshly roasted peanuts right into a jar for me, thanks. I’m not sure, however, that I would put PB slices on a lower level of food hell than macaroni and cheese loaf. *shudder*
Amen. At the tender age of 34, I guess I am a relic, because I believe that eating should be done at a table--preferably with a fork. If you are so busy that you have to eat “Soup at Hand” or “Gogurt” to avoid starvation, you are too busy, period.
And if you are too busy to take 45 seconds and make a real peanut butter and jelly sandwich for your children, well, that bodes badly for the amount of other quality time you’ll be able to spend with them…
If the individually wrapped slices of cheese are labelled “pateurized, processed cheese food,” does it follow that they’ll have to label this stuff “processed peanut food”?
As a mom, I will admit to appreciating convenience in some kid-friendly foods, but I don’t see that this applies. It’s just not that inconvenient to open a jar and slap a little peanut butter on bread. Then again, I’m not the one making it rich on the Smucker’s Uncrustables, and I have huge issues with those, too. Frozen PB&J sandwiches? I’d never in a million years have thought those would sell.
one thing re cooking for children, it seems they’re almost pre-programmed to like the simplest, sweetest, most thought-free food. at one level i think it’s the very effective efforts of the pop culture’s unholy alliance with the food industry; on another, i think it’s that they’re feverishly trying to keep up with bodies that are growing like weeds. still, i’ve proudly watched my kids tastes mature even as their friends and cousins continue to eat garbage; perhaps it’s sanctimonious for me to blame parents for continuing to take the path of least resistance when their kids are ready to move beyond mcnuggets… still, it all come down to time, we’re hardly coping these days and neither one of us is commuting, imagine that.
OK, just talking about any kind of processed meat loaf (not to be confused with a hearty homemade meatloaf) cause my gorge to rise.
Seriously, I will never ceased to be amazed what the laziness/convenience factor of American culture has brought to market. Premade PB&J in individually wrapped frozen packets? Crustless bread? Velveeta (hurl)? Spray margarine? And seriously, peanut butter slices--horrendous, truly. How freakin’ long does it take to stick a spoon in a jar and spread? Cripes, I do it daily, maybe 10 seconds.
Eeeek! I can’t even discuss this right now- once you said the words ‘olive’ and ‘loaf’ together, I got a full-shiver and started to feel nauseous. I suppose now would not be the time to mention that I ate (and loved) deviled ham as a kid.
Maybe I actually admitted that so you wouldn’t hate me for what I’m about to do (not the face! not the face!).
Tag, you’re it:
http://whowantsseconds.typepad.com/who_wants_seconds/2005/02/music_in_my_kit.html#comments
Cheers Ms. Bakerina,
Moira
Ahem, Back in the days when I was young and foolish I actually tried that macaroni and cheese loaf. Still wish I hadn’t.
I find that Macaroni and Cheese mixed with Spam is a camping delicacy. A loaf would make this delicacy portable. Or I could just hang myself.
Last night my husband and 15 year old son watched “Supersize Me”, a documentary by a guy who ate every meal at McDonald’s for one full month. ...and LIVED....barely! It was an excellent movie, and I highly recommend it. Be sure to see the “extras” on the dvd if you rent it.
Now I see your post which is further evidence that we “consumers” had better become aware of what the heck this stuff is because it sure as H#@$$#@ ain’t “food”.
Thanks for another good entry--I loved the previous ones too!
Andrea
I once painted a tromp l’oiele (is that spelled right?)slice of olive loaf into one of my paintings...but as a mom, I’m smearing the P.B. (reduced sugar Jiff) onto bakery bread. I can’t get the kid to eat the P.B. from the health food store, but you gotta hold the line against sheets and tubes.
what is it with the macaroni loaf? i had never in my life heard of such a thing until this week. and now you’re even talking about it! we both know i will never partake in such a thing, but ewww. ick.
and those peanut butter slices? wtf is that? who came up with such a crazy idea? and whose buying it and eating it? that’s what i want to know.
ick, again. just ick.
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Hello, Ms B. I just wanted to tell you that I was inspired to make bread yesterday. No, I do not have a “bread machine” but just two hands and a desire for whole wheat goodness made with love and care. Yeah, the loaves looked like something out of “Monty Python’s Life of Brian” that the Palestine Liberation Front passed around while hanging about in the colleseum, but lord, hot from the oven with real butter (okay, not Eureka butter) it just felt like I’d died and gone to heaven.
It was even better than the gingerbread cake I also did “from scratch” earlier in the day. My daughter was amazed.
I can do that, from time to time. Surprise people.
I’m going to Eureka on Wednesday. Will holler “hello” for you to all~