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now jen, isn’t there a bit of a story to how you came to be the bakerina for whom we all must be prepared to meet?  didn’t you ransack snowball’s blog, and didn’t snowball freak, assuming that somehow you were yet another evil minion of her storied ex, or perhaps a member of the legion exgirlfriend whacknuts somehow associated with keyword: orionoir… sigh, i can’t find a way to punctuate this.  but still, i want full credit for having introduced you to snowb, and she to you.  (i am hereby giving this credit as a birthday present to snowball, that’s the kindv guy i am.)

Ahhh, dear Michael, you’re right.  How churlish of me.  Because that’s the kind of guy you are, giving it up for Snowball like that (wha???), I will share, right here, the Tale of How I Came to Be the Bakerina Et Cetera Et Cetera:

1.  One chilly November Saturday morning, Jen wakes up with a migraine.  Migraine is gone by later afternoon, but Jen is too drained and grumpy to go anywhere.  She decides to kill some time by googling her friends.  Thus does she learn that one of her college buddies has just become a tenured English professor at a great midwestern university; one of her internet boyfriends has had a brush with media darlinghood (darling, you know who you are); and one of her other internet boyfriends has gone and got himself a brand new blog, without even telling any of his internet girlfriends.  This boyfriend would be the famous orionoir, whose comment you see above.

2.  Jen reads Famous orionoir’s brand new blog, sees a post where he says he’s been enjoying The Adventures of a Snowball in Hell, and clicks on the link, out of curiosity.  Within 30 seconds, Jen is sucked into Snowball’s continuing adventures with her loathsome X.  The more she reads, the more she wants to read.

3.  Within two hours, Jen has read every word of Snowball’s blog, including comments.  Had she rubbed two brain cells together, Jen would have realized that a) her activity would show up on Snowball’s stats and referrers page, b) Snowball’s X has a history of cyberstalking, c) Jen linked to Snowball’s page via orionoir’s page, and d) X is not one of orionoir’s biggest fans.

4.  Snowball, understandably, gets a bit nervous and posts a trepidatious but still whimsical post saying “if this is X, we have ways of finding out.  If, OTOH, you’re merely stalking orionoir, let me know and I’ll give you some helpful tips.”

5.  Jen smites her forehead hard enough to lose consciousness.  Upon coming to, she immediately sends two effusive apologies, one to Snowball ("I’m not X, really!") and one to Michael ("I’m not stalking you, really!"); and proceeds to spend Sunday afternoon stomping around her apartment like Caliban, wondering just what hell she hath unleashed.

6.  By early Sunday evening, Jen receives two e’s.  One is from Michael, saying “Hey, you found my blog!  And you got me a link on Snowball’s page!  Woot!” (Okay, he didn’t actually say “woot.") The other was from Snowball, sweetly and graciously saying “No harm done, and by the way, I like how you write.  Have you ever considered blogging?”

So, dear friends, ‘tis true:  if there were no Snowball, there would be no PTMYB, but if there were no orionoir, there would have been no introduction between me and Snowball, and that would have been worse than a real shame.  Michael, in the words of the late great Troy McClure:  “Take a bow, sugar beet!”

We love you Snowball, oh yes we doooo-oooooo!
And we love Bakerina, we love her tooo-oooooo!
When you’re not wi-ith us, we’re bluuuueeeeeeeeeeeee!

Oh girls, we love you!

Yes.  But.  The story I want to hear is the story of O and Sno and what they did to make X aware of and/or dislike O.

Comeon, it’s true confessions day at Snowball’s expense.  Do tell!

(If the answers are too juicy for public consumption, y’all know where to find me.)

i have a delightful sense of color and an adorable butt.  x is one wretched son of a bloodhound green-eyed bastard.  did not a thousand trojan ships set sail for less?

ok, i mightv transported the young snowball across state lines for lewd and lascivious purposes, this was never quite adjudicated… oj plays the back nine doing no time, me, i moved on, aimless homewrecking hurricane, downcast tropical storm, homes to wreck, beds to rumple, song in my heart, metal to crumple, iron bars won’t me hold, nor restraining orders not on no quarter fold, snowball took my virtue she wrecked my car, with hubbies like her x, best not say where you are.

Oh, sweet mother of God, I go off for a little while to work this afternoon and then feed my starving children, only to discover that my friends are extolling my imaginary virtues and confessing my secrets in Bakerina’s comments.  Ye gods!

while i can give snowball credit for bringing me in, i can’t not give credit to michael for sinking the hook. 

i’m sorry snowball, it’s just a little anarchy wave.  i’ve decided to ‘ride it out’.

collena

I am very glad that all three of you are blogging, brilliant bloggers that you be!

...that’s telling me :^)…

Ah yes, I remember that post. Back then I was only reading Snowball sporadically, and I had no idea until now that Bakerina was the perp. Poor Snowball! First Bakerina cyberstalks her. Then she flies out to Snowballville and invades the sanctity of her home.

This is a great story! Thanks Tvindy for linking the original post. But I’m confused...did Orinoir have his way with both Snowball and you, Bakerina or was this just internet attraction? Who said blogging was dull? i won’t bother writing on mine, I think I’ll just read all our blogs...and no, I’m not a cyberstalker and i live on the other side of the world so I don’t count.

.....I meant I’ll read all your blogs not “our”. My typing fingers have become uncoordinated.

Now, Tvindy, I must protest.  Leave us change some of your verbs.  Specifically, let’s take that “invades” and replace it with “enhances.”

Of course, since I have less than a week to prepare and FedEx you your lemon curd, I guess I deserve whatever you can dish out. 

Jenny, your questions are good ones.  It would be really unfair of me to button my lip and smile enigmatically instead of answering them.

(enigmatic smile)

But I think you should continue writing on your blog.  I love your blog and I would be sad if you stopped.

Yes, of course. I was just finding humour in the fact that someone as wholesome and gracious as you was ever misidentified as a stalker. It was meant in a purely complimentary way.

I’m very grateful for the upcoming lemon curd. You are welcome to send it to me at U of O rather than Muncie if you’re strapped for time.