Dear friends,
How churlish of me. Such kind words from all y'all about Thursday's non-post, and I didn't even tell you what the end result of all this hilarity will be.
I'm still in the midst of it all, hence the low profile (broken only by trips outside for fresh air and sandwiches, and to the laptop for leaving smartass comments on other people's sites). During the planning stages of this year's Christmas Baking ExpoFest-O-Rama, my mom advised me to keep it simple. Unfortunately, my idea of keeping it simple is picking recipes from a single baking book. This year I am sticking with Maida Heatter's Brand-New Book of Great Cookies, which is no longer brand new (c1995, sigh), but the cookies are still great. If you've never baked but have always wanted to try your hand at it, or if you're an ace baker looking for some inspiration, Maida is the girl for you. (For fans of this sort of trivia -- Walt Lockley, I'm looking at you! -- Maida is the daughter of radio announcer Gabriel Heatter, whose introductory statement during his World War II broadcasts, "Ah, there's good news tonight," was a mood elevator during the darkest days of the war. I knew that he was famous, and illustrious, but I didn't realize just how famous or illustrious he was until I heard "Ah, there's good news tonight!" appropriated by Daffy Duck.)
Here is my version of keeping it simple. Feel free to point, laugh and generally ask me how nuts I am:
Palm Beach Brownies: The brownies that made Maida famous, absolutely over the top. Contains 1/2 pound of butter, 1/2 pound of chocolate, nearly two pounds of sugar, five eggs, vanilla and almond extracts, powdered espresso and just enough flour to hold it all together. But wait! There's a layer of York peppermint patties baked in the middle! Status: Sitting nicely in the fridge, waiting to be sliced into 32 1"x 4" bars, although if I were any kind of responsible human being, I'd cut them in half, because even though 1"x 4" doesn't sound huge, trust me, it is.
Bali Hai Brownies: Basically the same as above, without the mints, with shredded coconut, diced candied ginger and almost 3/4 pound of macadamia nuts. As I told a patient and long-suffering friend last night on the phone, these brownies are like the Death Star of baking: expensive, heavy, high on the food chain, no socially redeeming value whatsoever. Oh, sure, they're *good*. What's your point? Status: Baked, cooled, wrapped in foil, ready to be individually wrapped. (Yep, individually wrapped. This will be elaborated on.)
Chocolate hermits with walnuts and sour cherries. Now, these are a joy. Chocolate devil's food cake-textured cookies, more espresso powder, walnuts, lovely shiny soft fat dried sour cherries from Kalustyan's, glazed with a thin sugar glaze. Status: Baked, wrapped, ready to go.
Cardamom snaps: Actual name is "Craig Claiborne's Cardamom Cookies," but I have rechristened them in my own home because they really do remind me of gingersnaps, only without the ginger. Claiborne's original recipe calls for 1/2 teaspoon of ground cardamom, but as far as I'm concerned, this will not do at all. It is worth the palaver of shelling close to 1/4 cup of cardamom pods to get a tablespoon of ground cardamom, which, along with vanilla, grapefruit and fresh buttermilk biscuits, makes up the quartet of my favorite scents. Status: Baked, wrapped in foil, waiting for their individual wrappings. (You may ascertain a theme here.)
Moravian wafers: Based on a recipe from the Moravian community in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I love these, not only because I love spice cookies in general, but also because they taste just like Ivan's Spiced Wafers, which used to be available only at Acme Markets (yes, dear friends who do not live in eastern Pennsylvania, Delaware or Maryland: there is a supermarket chain called Acme. No, they do not add rockets to everything.), and which were only sold around Halloween. Now they're available year-round, made by some other company that has appropriated Ivan's orange-and-black packaging, and they're not the same. I'm so glad that I can make my own now. This year I decided to replace the molasses with sorghum, which I tried for the first time this summer in Arkansas, and which I liked enough to bring a case home with me. Status: Sitting in freezer, waiting to be sliced and baked.
Cornmeal shortbread ladyfingers: They look plain, not particularly exciting, but as soon as you take a bite, their beauty is manifest. Status: Because they're so easy to put together, they will probably be the last thing I mix and bake today.
Pecan penuche bars: Because I love the idea of cooking eggs and sugar together for 20 minutes before pouring them over snapping-fresh pecans. Status: As soon as I'm done here, dear friends, I start on these.
Milk chocolate and almond freezer cookies: Between the brownies and the hermits, I probably don't need more chocolate stuff, but I have the ingredients on hand, and these really are lovely. Status: See pecan penuche bars.
Lemon squares with dates: If I have to commit cookie triage and drop one, this will probably be it, but I am full of stubborn quirks, one of which is that my ideal cookie assortment includs something chocolate, something spicy and something citrus-based. These have a shortbread base, a lemon curd filling, and sliced Medjool dates hidden inside. I eat one of these and my lips pucker, which, along with the general citrus-based happiness, puts me in just the right mood for kissing. Status: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not committing cookie triage any time soon.
Now, it's not enough to bake all this stuff and store it. I have to wrap it all, too. Individually. In cellophane. This may sound like a Martha-based affectation, but it really is the only way to keep everything fresh, and keep it from crumbling, when you put it in the mail. "Well, what's wrong with a tin, Jen?" Well, tins are great, but I've found that they're best if you are shipping one item (or two if they're complimentarily flavored and textured). I have shipped an assortment in tins, and the recipients have told me that while everything was tasty, it all ended up tasting the same. So cellophane it is. Yes, it is an insanely anal-retentive thing to do, but unlike most insanely anal-retentive activities, this one is worth it.
I nearly forgot: somewhere in the midst of this, I will also pull the spiced beef out of the fridge and give it its daily massage. Any inconvenience that comes from having 1/3 less available fridge space is more than made up for by the marvelous fragrance that hits my nose as soon as I open the tub. When I smell this, when I feel the nubbly texture of peppercorns and crushed juniper under my fingers, I remember that I really am a cold-weather girl at heart. It's not that I don't love summer -- you can't be the kind of tomato fiend that I am without summer -- and I do crave an eventual hot-weather vacation (my friends recommend Key West or Cancun, but I am thinking India or Morocco), but I was born in a cold green part of the country, descended from people from cold green countries on both sides of my family, and there is just something about dense spicy foods -- spiced beef, gingerbread, pickled vegetables -- that is wound firmly into my DNA.
With that, I return to the kitchen, but I will be back, honestly.
Dear friends of Maida, if you want a real treat, go over to the foodies.com website (http://www.foodies.com) and click on the “Culinary Patriots” link. Joy Rotondi did a brilliant interview with Maida, one that totally encapsulates what makes her such a pleasure. She is in her 80’s now (Maida, not Joy!), but she still bakes all day, every day, and she still maintains cheerleader levels of enthusiasm for it. (And yes, Steve, I am thrilled to be only three degrees of separation from her! Although since Joy gave me my first paying foodwriting gig, I think that that makes me only two degrees away. Och, I never was any good at this game!)
ann, my entire family pronounces it “Ac-a-me,” so I must, too. If you really want to give your kids giggle fits, tell your kids who know someone who is married to a guy who made sandwiches at the Wawa in South Phila. And his paychecks came from Wawa, PA. No foolein.
Lulu, all you need to do is click on that link that says “Email me” and send me your address. I’ll let you know when it’s going out, so that you can harass your mailman (or femailman) until it shows up.
MsAC, I am more than happy to share the spiced beef recipe, seeing as it actually belongs to Elizabeth David. You take a 6 pound bottom round roast and rub it with about 1/2 cup brown sugar, put it in an airtight tub and stick it in the fridge. Rub it with the melted sugar for two days. Then crush together a cup of coarse salt (I use kosher, but a good cheapish sea salt will work, too) with 1/3 cup each of black peppercorns, whole allspice and juniper berries. Rub this all over the meat; continue chilling it and rubbing it for 10 days. On the 11th day, take it out, wipe the spices off and roast it in a covered roaster in a slow oven—I think we do it at 300 degrees for 5 hours, but I’ll have to double-check—take it out, put it on a wooden board, put another wooden board on it, weight it down with something like a cast-iron skillet and chill it overnight. When you slice it the next day, slice it paper-thin; it will warm up to room temp very quickly once it’s sliced, which is how you want to eat it—room temp, not hot.
Lovely bunni, like I’m going to make Palm Beach brownies and not give you any? Bitch, please...I mean, darling, of course I have a little cluster of brownies with your name on it.