All this, and it's not even my birthday (yet)! In one week, I have received a coveted Lamb o'God t-shirt from the award-winning, Natty-Boh-quaffing Molly Goatwax; a batch of Clyde's Cookies ("they're Clyde Damned Delicious!"
from nakedjen, who makes me want to slap the stuffing out of every vegan bakery in New York City and holler "why can't you make something that tastes like this? you know, delicious and tasty and good and containing actual flavor?"; and the calendar that every well-dressed wall is wearing in 2005, the Tvindy 2005 calendar, from -- surprise! -- Tvindy, to whom I would propose if only I hadn't promised Lloyd that I would stop proposing to other men if he married me. Thank you, liebschens, a hundred thousand times.
I had hoped that this upcoming holiday season would find me in a less cantankerous mood than last year's. I think it will, but I will confess that I have been feeling that unique lemon-fresh despair that can only come from a new crop of deBeers ads. Just when I thought they couldn't get any worse, I found myself at the corner of 17th Street and Union Square West, staring up at a pair of diamond stud earrings and a pendant. Attached to the earrings was the legend MAKE YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOU, while attached to the pendant was IMAGINE THE RESOLUTIONS SHE'LL MAKE THIS YEAR. It never ends, I thought, it just bloody frelling never ends.
Leave it to Seth MacFarlane to snap me out of it. Seth is the creator of Family Guy (as well as the voices of Peter and Brian Griffin), and has been on my "to whom I would propose if only I hadn't promised Lloyd that I would stop proposing to other men if he married me" list ever since I saw his cartoon short "Larry and Steve" on Cartoon Network several years ago. Last night's Family Guy rerun on Adult Swim included a deBeers ad parody, in which the silhouetted couple kiss; then they break from the kiss and the woman (still in silhouette) starts to move down. At about the moment you realize what is about to transpire, the couple is replaced with the legend "DIAMONDS: She'll pretty much have to." Ohhhhh, Seth.
Dear Indiana-based friends, please tell me that your congressman is only kidding. Please.
D’oh! Usually my hoaxmeter is more finely calibrated than that. I’ll have to turn in my Amazing Randi Junior Skeptic Club decoder pin. Sheesh. Thank you, Mr. C. I do agree that it seems not only plausible, but inevitable. : (And Tvindy, I am not surprised by the MLK foofaraw at all. Sigh.)
Snowball, m’dear, do not worry. In the fullness of time, I know. I still have Kimberly’s jam sitting on my desk, glaring at me for my sloppy and inconsequential time management skills.
Not wrong at all, bunni, not wrong at all.