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An Open Letter to the person or persons who sat near the table where Julie, Luisa, Cathy, Zarah and I conducted our happy enthusiastic meeting of minds and hearts, bided his/her time until we were all sufficiently distracted, reached inside Zarah's shoulder bag, severed the leather strap connecting her purse to her shoulder bag, and stole her purse, with her wallet and digital camera inside:

Dear Loathsome Excrescence,

I'll give you this much:  you were quick, and silent.  We didn't even see you.  We're also amazed that you felt bold enough to reach into Zarah's bag, considering that she was much more careful than I was.  Upon leaving, I realized that my purse was open and both my wallet and cell phone were in plain view, and yet you felt compelled to reach into a closed Louis Vuitton bag and cut another bag out of it.  You certainly do know your designer luggage, you savvy violator of other people's property, you.

Luckily, the situation is not nearly as horrible as it could have been, mostly because Zarah, Luisa, Cathy and Julie are quick thinkers.  Luisa's office was around the corner, so Zarah was able to get on the phone with her bank right away and cancel the two credit cards that were inside her wallet.  (That wallet, by the way, contained less than five bucks.  Nice haul!  Take a bow, chump!)  She also has insurance that will cover the loss of the bag, the wallet and the digital camera inside the bag, and she will be able to re-take all of the pictures that were stored on the camera.  Her passport was not in her bag, so she does not have to go to the Danish consulate to get it replaced.  She is traveling with her boyfriend, who has his own set of credit cards, so she is not stranded without funds.  The worst that happened today, other than the general sense of violation one feels when one's own property is stolen from them, is that our merry afternoon was cut short, and Zarah has to spend a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon in New York filing a police report.  So again, it could have been much worse.

Nevertheless, I am beyond pissed off, not only because you did this to such a lovely and delightful woman (although you did), nor because you did this in a friendly neighborhood bakery, but also because in doing so, you confirmed all of the worst stereotypes of New York City, that it's a place where you have to keep your distance and never let your guard down for even a second, lest someone be standing by, waiting for the moment when he can take something of yours.  While I recognize that New Yorkers are capable of truly embarrassing behavior, I am almost never embarrassed to be a New Yorker.  This afternoon, I was.

I have been reexamining all of my attitudes about karma (admittedly, I've only been doing this since Lloyd and I started watching My Name is Earl), and thus I am sure that the universe has a wonderful plan for your life.  You had better hope that it's the universe who catches up with you, because if the universe drags its feet, and I find you first, the results will not be pretty.  Have you seen Hostel yet?  You may want to.  Or possibly not.

Cordially,

Bakerina