Today’s pre-4th of July festivities found me at the home of Moe. The conversation was dull, and the food was a complimentary shade of boring. Except for the crab dip that I brought, of course. It’s a family recipe, and is always eaten with Fritos, no matter how much the wife of your boss insists that crackers might be good, too. As you can see, this is not an exact recipe at all. People like me are why they eventually began to standarize recipes, I’m pretty sure.
Crab Dip
One brick of cream cheese, softened
Healthy blop of mayonnaise
Couple of healthy blops of sour cream
Can of real crab meat, drained (it’s blasphemy to use imitation crab)
Two hefty shots of worchestershire sauce, which I probably just misspelled
Two hefty blasts of Tobasco sauce (not the green kind, which is also blasphemy)
Garlic salt, but not toooo much
Juice of half a medium lemon (pick out the seeds that fall in)
Mash it all together, taste it, proclaim it good, and put it in the fridge for a couple of hours before you go off to make boring small talk with conservatives who happen to have the most fabulous garden you’ve ever seen. Don’t forget to bring a big bag of Fritos when you go to the party because it really does have to be served with Fritos and not those sissy little pale crackers that Cindy wants to smear it on.
"Healthy blop of mayonnaise.”
That’s sure to increase the number of sex-oriented Google hits around here.