Prev << Main >> Next
Sunday, September 12, 2004

As I’ve said in this space before, I have no fixed religious abode.  This would imply that I’m an atheist, but I don’t even have the courage of conviction for that.  Mostly I walk around with a giant question mark over my head, like those big green gems in The Sims. I was married in a Unitarian church, but I shy away even from the Unitarians because it strikes me that the church and congregation are only as strong as the pastor leading them.  The minister who married me and Lloyd was an unvarnished pleasure to listen to in church, whereas the minister of a church I attended in suburban Washington, D.C. was so irritating, spending valuable sermon time ranting about how mean the characters on sitcoms were, that I almost stood up midservice and slugged him.  ("How d’ya like THAT mean?") If I had to, under penalty of Ashcroft, if I had to pick a religion, I’d probably cast my lot with the Quakers, but so far, they have not found me.

The closest I have come to any sort of religious mindview came after I read James Gleick’s Chaos about ten years ago.  My friends who do have a fixed religious abode said they found the idea of a chaotic universe frightening, but I was actually a bit relieved by it.  If the universe is chaotic, with random moments of order, then we don’t have to torture ourselves the way the Puritans did, wondering if the bad things that happened to them were signs of God’s wrath or Satan’s never-ending mission to sway them from the path of righteousness by questioning God’s goodness.  I found myself thinking about this a lot after the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks, when we found ourselves questioning the rules of a universe which could allow this to happen.  If there are no rules in the universe, you could find yourself dying unexpectedly and horribly, but you wouldn’t be dying for being insufficiently devout, or insufficiently good.

I still take a measure of comfort in this, but I recognize the power and allure of prayer for the devout.  I recognize the comfort that can come from having a benevolent God to come to with your problems, to appeal to for help in a time of need.  I wish I could pray, I wish I could ask for divine intercession, but it’s just not in me.  But oh, how I wish for it sometimes.  It’s very hard to appeal to formless chaos, to say, in effect, “Hey, shake some of that action to make things work out the way we hope it will.” It may well be impossible, but that has never stopped me before.  So here goes:  Come on, faceless universe, do what you need to do, engineer what you need to engineer, to grant Michael a clean bill of health.  Get him through this okay, please, as expeditiously and painlessly and well as possible.  We want him here for a very long time.

Posted by Bakerina at 11:41 AM in • (1) Comments • (0) Trackbacks

What Bakerina said. 

I second all that.  Just like she said it.  Hugs and chocolate all around.

mouse on 09/12/04 at 12:00 PM  
Page 1 of 1 pages
Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.
Prev << Main >> Next