Wednesday, May 04, 2005
As those of you who know me, the infamous Mademoiselle Lapin, have indubitably discovered, I have a huge amount of rage. Over the years, Jen has told me that her therapist has encouraged her to express her own repressed rage. Before she left, I told her that I had an idea for a post in which I would, shall we say in the manner of Fight Club, become Jen's rage, but I was worried about poisoning her site, as she is so sweet and amiable, and I have the temperament of a crack addicted pit bull on his third espresso shot. But Jen was delighted with the idea, and so I give you now a full dose of rabbit fueled anger.
Dear Human Race,
I suppose we knew it was doomed from the very beginning. I suppose my early, almost terminal, bout of cancer should have been a hint that Things were Not Meant to Be. Strange that an English professor would miss out on such obvious signs, but I was so young then, so hopelessly young. It's not that things between us even started out that well, the doctors, surgeries, treatments, hospitalizations, specialists. It was, in a naive way, very romantic. The struggle to get through every day, the few moments of joy, and of course the rush of discovering new and mysterious joys-a swimming friend in Florida, the Boston Aquarium, a Broadway show, the windows of Saks Fifth Avenue at Christmas, making snow angels, real cornstalk scarecrows, cows, dairy fresh ice cream, babysitters who could enchant ducks, fairy tales. And these joys were amplified by the struggle and even the misery of our early association.
I would like to think it was the books that really came between us, the way that Lifetime television destroys the reality of female experience. It presents a totally unrealistic view of how humans can behave, it creates so many false expectations. Romantic, heroic, even reflective and in the rush of discovery it is easy to imagine that those books reflect reality in the same way that sappy romance novels seem to reflect reality when you first meet that special someone. But time moves on, the roses on the pillow, the special dinners, the phone calls, the chocolates, the gifts, slowly dwindle, perhaps to nothing at all, or perhaps to only grudgingly bestowed on Important Occasions, and then only after much wheedling and warning about possible repercussions, IE the withholding of sexual favors.
Not that only you changed. Sure after the newness became more comfortable, more predictable, there was the my shift in attitude as well. The woman who tried to beat her husband to death with a frozen squirrel was no longer a tribute to the strangeness and originality that people can achieve, but rather just plain stupid. It became yet another moment where I thought "What the hell is wrong? Why can't anyone think straight? A squirrel? Why not a frying pan or some Drano or for crickey's sake a gun?"
And then there are the bad qualities revealed. Not just the small annoying habits, people who try to walk through me, students who pay 30,000 dollars to come to class and then act like they can't be bothered to, you know, actually learn, but the really awful dark should remain repressed in your id side. My favorite professor killing himself after losing his job, his longtime lover, and his apartment. All the friends who have died of cancer and AIDS. And this is just what I know of you personally. We shall ignore what I hear from other people, about holocausts and wars, rape, serial killers, and the backalleys of corporate America.
And I suppose that is where we really diverge. The real problem is, of course, that we want different things. I want people to be able to act in a reasonable fashion, to achieve small goals (show up on time not an hour and a half late, call on the day he/she claimed he/she was going to, actually read the six page assigned reading) and be at least vaguely concerned with the welfare of others and you, apparently, don't. You think it is too much for me to ask that my friends occasionally show something vaguely reassembling interest in my trouble when I spend hours on the phone listening to them, that passing grades should actually reflect the level of learning achieved not that higher education has become another business where grades are just another purchase, that most people should actually enjoy thinking and being intellectually challenged.
And it's not even that there is no good left. That little girl I saw last week with the pussy willows, the dinner party in Paris, the Nick Hornby book I am currently reading they are all small joys, but they are simply not enough. Better we should go our separate ways now while we both still have some good memories, some dignity, than completely degenerate. And so I hereby resign from the Human Race.
Best of Luck,
Miss Lapin
Posted by
Bakerina at 03:02 PM in
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Bravo! Very well put. If you start another Race, may I join? We could have a core set of rules and then if anyone violates them, they are banned from the species!
yeah, absolutely. i felt the same way after i read orionoir’s last post…
but then i live and breathe the rage of sudden narcotic stoppage. like that wide-eyed runaway bride they’d catch me, and pull me back in. damn them.
Alright Beastmomma, I’m down with the new species thing, but what should we call ourselves?
Names are tough to come by--- in honor of you, we could call it Lapiners.
or I suppose Lapinia? Lapinae? to sound more latin-like
That is good-- Lapinia.
Brilliant.
Risking death, I must advance a contrarian viewpoint.
Bunni, what you meant to resign from was not the human race but the rat race. Rats are the fuckers who experience road rage, kick puppies, constantly strive for money, drive BMW’s, etc. etc. etc.
Humans are the ones who treat each other respectfully and with good intention. They are often recognizeable by their unkempt clothing, failure to bow to authority and the worn copies of Walden on their bookshelves. They’re quick to hug and even quicker to forgive. They’ll always buy a stranger a beer and they don’t begrudge the homeless a donation even tho they know its sometimes a scam.
Their sex is gentle and unhurried. Children are loved but not coddled. They make homemade food and share it with their friends.
Our hostess provides perhaps the very best we, as humans, could hope to aspire to. Grace despite the big city and the box factory.
So, by all means, resign from the rat race. But please don’t give up on humanity. Bakerina proves it’s still possible and so totally worth the effort.
After two rounds of cancer, I’m still not embittered...I will send you a valentine next year if you’d like.
Dear Bunni,
Please don’t kill ‘mouse. I like his human race; they seem to have the good qualities that you’d want in lapinia. I’m sure they aren’t perfect, but what species is?
Not to rain on your therapeutic release, but judging others and the world based upon your own bitterness at life is rather disconcerting. After reading your post, Ms Lapin, I was feeling quite contrary. While it was interesting and well written, it came across to me as quite whiney. It is so damn difficult for all of us to count our many blessings when we feel distressed. And while your therapist may say there is value in venting, my approach of looking at the bright side has served me well. Different strokes for different folks I guess.
I want people to be able to act in a reasonable fashion, to achieve small goals (show up on time not an hour and a half late, call on the day he/she claimed he/she was going to, actually read the six page assigned reading) and be at least vaguely concerned with the welfare of others and you, apparently, don’t. You think it is too much for me to ask that my friends occasionally show something vaguely reassembling interest in my trouble when I spend hours on the phone listening to them, that passing grades should actually reflect the level of learning achieved not that higher education has become another business where grades are just another purchase, that most people should actually enjoy thinking and being intellectually challenged.
I have realized the only thing that sets up disappointment is having expectations of others. They will ALWAYS not live up or down to your expectations. It is not too much to ask others to be responsible, but one needs enough distance to accept that many people will let you down.
And it’s not even that there is no good left. That little girl I saw last week with the pussy willows, the dinner party in Paris, the Nick Hornby book I am currently reading they are all small joys, but they are simply not enough. Better we should go our separate ways now while we both still have some good memories, some dignity, than completely degenerate. And so I hereby resign from the Human Race.
Ah once again, high expectations lead one to misery and abandoning the good in the name of disappointment. Your resignation from the human race is our loss.
nmiguy
’Mouse-you are quite correct about the human race/rat race analysis-and as for those who found the post whiney, well, there is a great deal of rage in it but there is also a sense of humor (the point being a letter to the human race written like a dear john letter, which is usually full of whiney rationalization) as I said in the forenote I was nervous about posting it here-but Jen, and let me say this again, loved the idea and insisted I post it here rather on my own site where people know that I am given to angry rants-molly thanks for the offer of the valentine-I gladly accept your offer-let me know if there is something you would like in return-like the soul of a young college student and I will arrange to have it sent to you
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Bravo! Very well put. If you start another Race, may I join? We could have a core set of rules and then if anyone violates them, they are banned from the species!