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The rumors are true.  Well, some of the rumors are true, anyway.  Leave us draw up our chairs, grab a hot cuppa or a cold glassa, and snuggle up whilst I separate the wheat from the chaff, the eggs from the Egg Beaters™, the truths from the, uh, falsies…

Enough with the cute, already.  Are you home or not? Yes, indeed I am.  After a week of ominous warnings about thunderstorms in northwest Arkansas and thunderstorms in New York City, I had a near-perfect, clear-as-glass flight home yesterday morning.  I say “near-perfect” because once we landed at LaGuardia, we discovered that American did not have a jetway available for us, nor would they for another half-hour, and thus did we wait on the tarmac until a bus was made available to transport us to a dark and odd-smelling stairway into the terminal, where we were further treated to a last-minute, unannounced switching of the baggage claim carousel where our bags were being unloaded.  Welcome to New York.

So are you glad to be back in New York? It depends on when you ask.  Now that I have been back at LuthorCorp for seven hours, I wonder what I was thinking when I turned down that offer to serve hush puppies for minimum wage at Ozark Kitchens.  If you had asked me last night, when Lloyd surprised me with dinner at the lovely new French restaurant in my neighborhood, I would have said oh yes, without a doubt. If you had asked me after we returned home from dinner, giddy on good food and a bottle of cheapish but wonderful New Zealand sauvignon blanc and overall reunited-and-it-feels-so-good vibes, I would have answered uhhh…yeah...why don’t we talk about this in the morning?

Have you cut off the guest bloggers yet? Damn no, baby!  Frankly, I don’t know why I just promote myself to Blogger Emeritus and permanently turn over day-to-day operations to the guest bloggers, as they did a brilliant job and were much more entertaining than I’ve ever been on even my best days.  Proper kudos will follow, defined and given three examples, but let me start with big thanks to everyone who kept it fast, frosty and downright dirty around here.  And the recipes!  Such recipes, such a delightful variety, so correct in form and function, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so easy on the draw!  No, there will be no deep-fried hell administered by me.  There will be no fumigating, simply because I love that sweet friendly ‘mouse.  And for those of you who are still waiting for that infamous look at my snoobs, trust me on this:  you got a better deal getting to see orionoir’s.

Did you really show your snoobs to ‘mouse as an incentive to blog? You’ll just have to consider my character and make up your own mind on that one.

This is all very amusing, except when it isn’t, but don’t you want to tell us what actually happened down in Eureka?  Did you write at all, or just do research?  How was the room?  How was the town?  How was the weather?  How was the food?  What were the other writers like?  Did you really have to teach a class?  Did anyone survive it?  Did you take any more pictures?  Can we see them?  Damn, woman, don’t you have anything to say? Yes, yes I do.  I have so much to say, so much to share, and it’s killing me that I can’t do it now.  I’m really trying to, but LuthorCorp has other plans for me.

Bitch, you too good for us now?  I’ve been trying to e-mail you all damn morning and you act like you’re all too cute for the room or something.  You think you’re better than us?  Do you, huh?  I’ll smack that look right off you, don’t think I won’t. I know, I know.  In their infinite benevolence, LuthorCorp has put firewalls up that effectively cut off all of my web-based e-mail.  No Yahoo mail, no Plasticmail, no spiffy new Gmail account (yes, I have Gmail, and I didn’t even have to show Billiam my sausages!).  I’ll be checking all of these e’s tonight, but if you’ve been trying to reach me, just leave me a comment and I’ll e you from work.  Trust me, it would be a pleasure.

Barring the obvious consideration of a paycheck, remind us again why you went back to LuthorCorp? (sound of crickets)

Was it worth all that foofaraw from last winter, where you threatened to quit your job?  Was it worth giving up all your vacation time? Absolutely.  It was absolutely, positively, 100% worth it.  I’m still trying to figure out what I did in my past lives to deserve this opportunity.  I can’t believe I have this wonderful memory to call my own.

Did you miss us? Dear friends, you have no idea.  I missed each and every single one of you.  I missed you like mad.  Start saving your change now, because I’m going back next year, and I want all of you there with me.  We’ll get a nice group rate at the Crescent Hotel.  No excuses, no substitutions.