1. The Piccadilly line on the London Underground, which provides the cheapest ride from Heathrow into London, terminates in a neighborhood called Cockfosters. Thus, when you get on the Tube and a snazzy LED zipper informs you that "This train is for COCKFOSTERS," it doesn't mean anything dirty. You will be tempted to snort like a 12-year-old boy, particularly if you got less than an hour's sleep on the plane and as far as your body is concerned, it's 3 in the morning. It's understandable, but nevertheless, it's best not to snort, guffaw or wonder aloud if this is some clever form of advertising for a brand extension of Foster's Lager. 2. When you browse in bookshops and buy a single book in each one, it doesn't feel as if you're buying a lot of books. If you visit 20 different bookshops over the course of your visit, though, you will be in for a rude shock when it's time to pack everything and go home. 3. This month Cadbury and W.H. Smith are having a special promotion: Every time you buy a newspaper or magazine, any newspaper, any magazine, you can buy a 200g Cadbury bar for 85p. If you take advantage of this offer every time you pick up your morning copy of the Guardian, you will be in for a rude shock when it's time to pack everything and go home. 4. To say that Scotland is beautiful is to understate the case grossly, but there is simply no other way to put it. Of course, I could go on about the hills covered with evergreens, bright yellow Scotch brush and green grass that looks like the dictionary definition of plush and practically begs you to lie naked on it, but even those words fall short. This would be one of those moments where a picture would be worth a thousand words, but to my eye, even this picture, taken from the window in our room in Galashiels, doesn't come close to showing just how magnificent those hills are. 5. Note to my fellow music nerds: Teenage Fanclub's new album, Man-Made, was released on May 9. It was not my plan to buy it on the day of release in Glasgow at the nifty and friendly Avalanche Records, but that's exactly what I did, and for some reason doing so gives me what my pal Homer calls a warm glowing warming glow. 6. Scotland is Beautiful, Part Two: It's a good thing I don't actually live in Edinburgh, particularly in an apartment with views of Old Town and Edinburgh Castle, because if I had this greeting me from my front window every morning, I would stand in silent awe, and thus feel no inclination to go to work. I would be evicted from my apartment, and then I'd have to find a place to put my refrigerator box so that I could still have that view. 7. I did not need more proof that Lloyd is the perfect travel companion for me, but I got it anyway: Every time we were in sight of Edinburgh Castle, I felt compelled to recite the opening lines of Sir Walter Scott's Red Gauntlet (a/k/a the story Michael Palin et al. can't read in the McKamikaze Guards sketch on Monty Python's Flying Circus). I must have mentioned the sun setting behind Solway Firth and the lone piper on the battlements of Edinburgh Castle at least seventy million times, and not once did Lloyd display the desire to jab a fork into my head. What a man. 8. Scotland is Beautiful, Part Three: Get your forks out now, because I cannot resist making a hideous pun. Here, taken by Lloyd in Glasgow, is a picture of the Bridge Over the River Clyde. (Ow! My head!) 9. This is my absolute, positive, favorite food store in the known world. Upon finishing our lunch at the cafe bar behind the store, I wanted to move in. Yes, there will be a proper post about this. 10. There will also be a proper post about the baked goods I was lucky enough to try, from black bun to Selkirk bannock to fruit slices (currant and sultana) to madeira cakes studded with candied cherries to butter tablet to tar-like slabs of gingerbread. Have I mentioned that I love Scotland? Since I'm still feeling a bit of residual guilt over that terrible pun, I'll leave you with a lagniappe, in the form of a picture of the Tweed River, which runs through Galashiels, and a promise to be one step closer to gamefacedness tomorrow.
